Table of content
- 1. 1. Express Your Interest Clearly and Positively
- 2. 2. Open Dialogue: Invite Their Thoughts and Feelings
- 3. 3. Collaborative Exploration: Discovering Together
- 4. 4. Compromise and Flexibility: It's About "Us"
- 5. 5. Start Slowly: Ease Into Exploration
- 6. 6. Open Communication: Keep the Dialogue Going
- 7. Why Should Couples Consider Using Toys?
- 8. What Is the Definition of Love Toy / Sex Toy?
- 9. References
Let's Talk Toys: A Guide to Discussing Sex Toys with Your Partner
Intimacy thrives on communication, exploration, and a shared sense of adventure. For many couples, introducing sexual toys can be an exciting way to deepen connection, enhance pleasure, and add a playful spark to their physical relationship and overall love sex life. But figuring out how to talk to your partner about trying sex toys can sometimes feel daunting. Maybe you're curious but unsure how they'll react, or perhaps you're looking for ways to gently suggest exploring together. This conversation, while potentially sensitive, is an incredible opportunity to practice open communication and strengthen your bond.
At PlayLoveToys, we believe that discussing desires and exploring pleasure together should feel empowering, not intimidating. This guide offers practical steps and communication strategies, drawing on expert advice, to help you navigate this conversation respectfully and positively. Whether you're wondering how do you tell your partner you want to use toys or exploring why couples should use toys in the first place, this is about fostering connection and mutual enjoyment. Let's dive in!
1. Express Your Interest Clearly and Positively
The first step in how do you suggest toys to your partner? is simply sharing your own curiosity or interest in a clear, positive, and non-demanding way. Avoid ambiguity. Instead of hinting vaguely, choose a calm, private moment when you both feel connected and relaxed – definitely not immediately before or after sex when pressures might feel high.
Frame your interest around shared benefit, excitement, and exploration, rather than dissatisfaction. For example, instead of saying "I think we need something more," try language that focuses on adding fun or exploring new sensations together. You could say something like:
- "Hey, I was reading an article about couples using toys to enhance intimacy, and it got me curious. What do you think about exploring that together sometime?"
- "I've been thinking it could be really fun and playful to try out an adult toy, like a [specific type of simple toy, e.g., massage candle or a couples vibrator]. Would you be open to looking into it with me?"
- "I saw these sexual toys online, and the idea of us experimenting with them together really excites me. How does that sound to you?"
The key is to own your desire ("I've been thinking," "I'm curious") while immediately inviting your partner into the idea ("What do you think?", "Would you be open?"). This makes it clear it's about a shared experience, not a critique. Explain why you're interested – perhaps you want to explore different kinds of pleasure, find new ways to connect physically, add novelty to your love sex routine, or simply have fun together. Focusing on potential positives for both of you makes the idea much more inviting.
2. Open Dialogue: Invite Their Thoughts and Feelings
Once you've expressed your interest, the most crucial step is creating space for genuine, two-way dialogue. This isn't a sales pitch; it's a conversation about shared intimacy. Your goal is to understand your partner's perspective, not just to convince them. Ask open-ended questions like:
- "How does the idea of using sexual toys together make you feel?"
- "Do you have any thoughts, curiosities, or concerns about it?"
- "Have you ever thought about using an adult toy before?"
- "Is there anything specific about it that interests or worries you?"
Listen actively to their response without interrupting or becoming defensive, even if they express hesitation or anxiety. Validate their feelings, whatever they are. Saying things like, "Okay, I hear that you feel a bit hesitant, can you tell me more about that?" shows you respect their perspective. Remember, their feelings are valid, even if they differ from yours.
Some common concerns partners might have include feeling inadequate "Does this mean I'm not enough?", fear of the unknown, associating toys only with solo use, or feeling pressured. Addressing these potential anxieties requires empathy and reassurance. You can reiterate that your interest stems from wanting to enhance your shared experience and connection, not from any dissatisfaction with them. This open dialogue builds trust and ensures that any exploration feels safe and mutually desired.
Sometimes, difficulty discussing new sexual avenues might touch upon underlying feelings about connection. While this post focuses on introducing toys, remember that open sexual communication is vital for overall relationship health. If the conversation reveals deeper issues, like a persistent feeling about a lack of intimacy, that might require a broader discussion about relationship needs, potentially with professional support from a therapist or counsellor. However, framing the toy conversation positively around adding fun and connection is usually the best starting point when exploring how to talk to your partner about lack of intimacy indirectly through enhancing connection.
3. Collaborative Exploration: Discovering Together
If your partner expresses openness or curiosity, suggest exploring options together. This transforms the idea from "your thing" into "our adventure." Making the selection process collaborative reinforces that it's about shared pleasure and ensures you find something that appeals to both of your tastes and comfort levels. Engaging in adult toys shopping together can be part of the fun.
Here are some ways to explore collaboratively:
- Browse Online Together: Sit down together and browse reputable online shops (like PlayLoveToys!). Look at different categories specifically designed for couples. Read descriptions, look at pictures, and discuss what looks interesting or appealing to each of you. Talk about shapes, functions, and materials involved in different sexual toys.
- Visit a Sex-Positive Store: Going to a physical store together can demystify toys and make it a fun, low-pressure outing. Look for stores known for being inclusive, knowledgeable, and respectful. Staff can often answer questions and make recommendations based on your shared interests during your adult toys shopping trip.
- Use a "Yes/No/Maybe" List: This tool, often recommended by sex therapists, can be incredibly helpful. Find or create a list of different types of toys, BDSM elements, or sexual activities. Each partner fills it out privately, marking their interest level (Yes, No, Maybe) for each item. Then, compare lists and focus on the overlapping "Yes" and "Maybe" items as starting points for discussion and potential exploration.
This collaborative approach makes the process less intimidating and more about partnership. It’s a practical way to answer the question, How do you tell your partner you want to use toys? – by showing them you want to choose with them.
4. Compromise and Flexibility: It's About "Us"
As you explore options, remember that compromise and flexibility are essential in any healthy relationship, and this conversation is no different. Your partner might be excited about one type of adult toy while hesitant about another. You might have different ideas about how or when you'd like to use them. The goal isn't for one person to "win" or push their exact preferences, but to find common ground that enhances your shared sex life and connection.
Be prepared to:
- Meet in the Middle: If you're envisioning something complex and your partner prefers something simple, find a compromise. Maybe start with their comfort zone and agree to revisit other options later.
- Respect Boundaries: If your partner expresses a hard "no" to a specific type of adult toy or activity, respect that boundary. Pushing past discomfort erodes trust. Focus on the areas where you both feel enthusiastic consent.
- Focus on the Shared Goal: Remind yourselves (and each other) that the ultimate aim is increased connection, pleasure, and fun together. It’s less about the specific object and more about the shared experience it facilitates.
Flexibility shows your partner you value their feelings and comfort level as much as your own curiosity, strengthening the foundation of trust needed for intimate exploration.
5. Start Slowly: Ease Into Exploration
If either of you feels hesitant, or even if you're both excited but new to toys, starting slowly is often the best approach. Diving into the deep end with something complex or intense might feel overwhelming. Instead, ease into it:
- Choose Beginner-Friendly Toys: Opt for simpler items first. Consider things like: Massage Candles/Oils: Not technically "toys," but great for enhancing sensual touch and foreplay. External Vibrators: Small bullets or palm-sized vibrators used on external erogenous zones can add sensation without being intimidating.Vibrating Cock Rings:** Often enjoyed by both partners simultaneously during intercourse. Blindfolds or Silk Scarves: Can heighten other senses and add an element of playful power dynamics without involving complex gadgets.
- Focus on Foreplay: Introduce an adult toy during extended foreplay rather than immediately incorporating it into intercourse. Use it to explore different sensations on various parts of the body.
- Keep it Low Pressure: Don't put pressure on yourselves to achieve orgasm or have a mind-blowing experience the first time. Focus on the fun of exploration and learning together. Laughter is welcome!
- Short Sessions: Maybe agree to use a toy for just a few minutes initially, checking in frequently about comfort and enjoyment.
Starting slowly allows you both to build comfort, confidence, and familiarity at your own pace, making the experience more enjoyable and less anxiety-provoking.
6. Open Communication: Keep the Dialogue Going
Introducing sexual toys isn't a one-time conversation; it's the beginning of an ongoing dialogue. Maintaining open and honest communication throughout the process of exploration is vital for ensuring it remains a positive and connective experience.
- Check-In During Use: Use simple verbal or non-verbal cues during sex to ensure your partner is comfortable and enjoying the experience. "Does that feel good?" "More pressure or less?" "Want to keep going?"
- Debrief Afterwards: After using a toy, talk about what you both liked, what you didn't, and what you might want to try differently next time. This feedback loop helps you learn and refine your shared experiences.
- Revisit Boundaries:** Comfort levels can change. Regularly check in to ensure previously established boundaries still feel right for both partners.
- **Normalize the Conversation:** Make talking about sex, pleasure, and yes, even sexual toys, a normal part of your relationship dynamic, not a taboo subject saved for rare occasions.
This ongoing communication reinforces trust, deepens intimacy, and ensures that exploring together continues to enhance your relationship.
Why Should Couples Consider Using Toys?
You might still be wondering, "**Why couples should use toys?**" Beyond the simple answer of "it can be fun," incorporating toys offers tangible benefits for relationships. Research and expert opinions suggest that using sexual toys together can:
- Increase Pleasure & Orgasm Potential: Especially for individuals who benefit from specific types of stimulation (like direct clitoral vibration), toys can make achieving orgasm easier and more consistent during partnered sex.
- Facilitate Communication: As discussed, the process itself often sparks conversations about desires, likes, and dislikes, leading to better sexual communication overall.
- Enhance Intimacy: Contrary to fears of toys creating distance, many couples find that shared exploration and heightened pleasure can actually increase feelings of closeness and connection. It can add a new dimension to your love sex connection.
- Introduce Novelty & Combat Routine: Toys provide an easy way to add variety and excitement, preventing sexual intimacy from becoming monotonous.
- Aid Exploration: They allow couples to explore different sensations, power dynamics (with consent), and types of stimulation they might not achieve with bodies alone.
What Is the Definition of Love Toy / Sex Toy?
The term "**sex toy**" is the most common and direct descriptor. According to Wikipedia, "A sex toy is an object or device that is primarily used to facilitate sexual pleasure, such as a dildo, artificial vagina or vibrator." Wikipedia also notes the term can sometimes include BDSM apparatus or sex furniture, but generally excludes items like contraception or pornography. You might also hear "**adult toy**" or the older term "marital aid".
Occasionally, people use the term "**love toy**." While less common technically, "love toy" often carries a connotation emphasizing the relational aspect – using a toy not just for physical sensation, but as a tool within the context of love, intimacy, and connection between partners. It highlights the intention behind using the toy: to enhance the shared loving, sexual experience. Ultimately, whether called a sex toy, sexual toy, or a love toy, these are tools designed for pleasure and exploration, used consensually between partners to deepen their connection.
Talking about trying sexual toys with your partner is an opportunity for growth, vulnerability, and enhanced intimacy. By approaching the conversation with positivity, respect, and open communication, you can navigate this exploration together, strengthening your bond and potentially discovering exciting new dimensions of shared pleasure. At PlayLoveToys, we're here to support that journey with high-quality products and reliable information – consider your adult toys shopping experience with us safe and empowering.
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Why Should Couples Consider Using Toys?
You might still be wondering, "Why couples should use toys?" Beyond the simple answer of "it can be fun," incorporating toys offers tangible benefits for relationships. Research and expert opinions suggest that using sexual toys together can:
Increase Pleasure & Orgasm Potential: Especially for individuals who benefit from specific types of stimulation (like direct clitoral vibration), toys can make achieving orgasm easier and more consistent during partnered sex.
Facilitate Communication: As discussed, the process itself often sparks conversations about desires, likes, and dislikes, leading to better sexual communication overall.
Enhance Intimacy: Contrary to fears of toys creating distance, many couples find that shared exploration and heightened pleasure can actually increase feelings of closeness and connection. It can add a new dimension to your love sex connection.
Introduce Novelty & Combat Routine: Toys provide an easy way to add variety and excitement, preventing sexual intimacy from becoming monotonous.
Aid Exploration: They allow couples to explore different sensations, power dynamics (with consent), and types of stimulation they might not achieve with bodies alone.
What Is the Definition of Love Toy / Sex Toy?
The term "sex toy" is the most common and direct descriptor. According to Wikipedia, "A sex toy is an object or device that is primarily used to facilitate sexual pleasure, such as a dildo, artificial vagina or vibrator." Wikipedia also notes the term can sometimes include BDSM apparatus or sex furniture, but generally excludes items like contraception or pornography. You might also hear "adult toy" or the older term "marital aid".
Occasionally, people use the term "love toy." While less common technically, "love toy" often carries a connotation emphasizing the relational aspect – using a toy not just for physical sensation, but as a tool within the context of love, intimacy, and connection between partners. It highlights the intention behind using the toy: to enhance the shared loving, sexual experience. Ultimately, whether called a sex toy, sexual toy, or a love toy, these are tools designed for pleasure and exploration, used consensually between partners to deepen their connection.
References
- Finn, L. (Sex Educator, cited in Kassel, G.). (2020, June 9). *Your 6-Step Guide for Introducing Sex Toys Into Your Partnered Relationship*. Well+Good. https://www.wellandgood.com/lifestyle/sex-toys-with-partner
- Kindman & Co. (Therapy Practice Blog). (2024, March 8). *Integrating Sex Toys in Partnered Sex: A Therapist's Guide*. https://www.kindman.co/blog/therapist-recommended-sex-toys-for-your-partnership
- Murray, S. H., & Milhausen, R. R. (Researchers, cited in Bal S.). (2025, February 14). *Sex Toys Are More Than Fun for One*. Psychology Today Canada. https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/after-commitment/202502/sex-toys-are-more-than-fun-for-one
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